I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
