video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
