Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize