dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
