No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
