I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
