I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
