Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Terrible idea I love it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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