Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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