you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
