He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
