I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
