OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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