So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
