So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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