they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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