I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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