Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
