is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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