dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
