Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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