Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
