i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Michael Bay diarrhea
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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