i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
