Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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