My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
