SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
