By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
