I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He has the fingertips of a God
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