I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will be naked everywhere
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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