he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
