Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
