I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
