Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
