There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
