Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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