I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
