I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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