he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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