She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
