question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize