I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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