guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
