i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
