just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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