cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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