i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love having hate sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
