Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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