She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my liver is dry heaving
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
