I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize