Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
