I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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