You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
