you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
