I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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