i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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