I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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