just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
