omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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