he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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