my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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