No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize