i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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